The modern phenomenon of ghosting

Ghosting (Urban Dictionary):giving the “ultimate silent treatment”, and occurs when a dater, “suddenly [ceases] all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date”.

When Charlize Theron did it to Sean Penn, it entered the modern lexicon. Yet ghosting has been around for a while now. Dumping someone, whether that is a significant other, or a friend that you have no use for anymore, in this fashion has to be the most cowardly, lily livered way to do things.

I should know. I’ve been there.

In the past year, a bunch of ladies I considered good friends decided that I wasn’t good enough for them. There was no falling out. Just a gradual withdrawal. The sad part being that not one of them had the gumption to approach me and tell me exactly what I had done wrong. The irony was that some of them had met through me. Ah! The vagaries of life.

So, is ghosting a good thing or bad? I think that depends on the situation. If withdrawal without explanation is the only route available, then by all means ghost away. However, if open communication and dialogue are still means to reach an amicable solution, whether that be the termination of a relationship, or setting the record straight, then as rational adults that should be the route we must take.

I say this knowing full well that for a large number of people confrontation is unpalatable. Yet, for any kind of closure to occur, confrontation is necessary. Fading out of someone’s life, or relegating them to the background without any explanation being proffered is hurtful, denigrating, unkind and most of all, power play of the worst order.


New Year, New You

So it’s a new year. Another year to vow to be different. To make resolutions of change, whatever those may be. Although, in all likelihood they will involve losing some of the festive flab. With such optimism most of us will start out. With such gusto and fervour we’ll aver that we will or we won’t, never again or forever more…

Yet, a salient point escapes most of us. Change does not happen overnight. You don’t wake up a new person the next morning, just because you resolved to the night before. Change isn’t a Tsunami that drowns out past behaviours. Change is the slow drip, drip, drip of water on a rock that creates a groove over time. It is the layer upon layer of reinforced conscious habit that creates a new you.

Like everyone else I have my own list of resolutions. Yet, this year, for the first time, I am putting no time limit on becoming this new me. With every faltering step or misstep that I make, I will consider it one closer step to victory. For after all, I am still moving. No matter how many times I end up going around in circles, I don’t intend to stop. With each breath I will try to move towards my personal ideal.

I wish you much luck with your own journeys. And while you’re at it, don’t forget to enjoy the ride.